Is your partner cheating on you?
Well, whether the affair between your partner and someone else is purely physical or emotional, the cheating signs are often subtle. In fact, most often, people don’t realize that their partner is cheating despite there being warnings. Conversely, some people do insinuate that their partner is cheating while they actually aren’t.
So, how can you tell your partner is cheating, and are there different types of cheating?
Let’s have a look!
How to know if partner is cheating
Telling, for the fact, that your partner is cheating is quite a complicated thing.
Honestly, being oblivious of our significant other’s infidelities is bad, but finding out that your partner has cheated or is cheating on you is never easy too. Most of us will agree that it is better to know the truth rather than remain in the dark.
Here are some of your partner’s behaviors should you look out for to help you read the signs and confirm suspicion if you haven’t caught them in the act:
1. Their phone habits change
Not obvious, but it is a direct sign, isn’t it?
It isn’t justifiable that every time your spouse uses the computer or a phone in secret, they are cheating. But when someone wants to hide something from you, they will do it as their lives depend on it. This is a common norm for cheaters as well.
Additionally, it isn’t a good sign if your partner’s devices (phone and computer) didn’t have a password before, and then they now have. And so, when they are reluctant to share the password or allowed to use or check their device, it can be an alarming sign.
2. Regular periods in which your partner is unreachable
Not an obvious sign because being unreachable may happen to anyone. However, if you notice a pattern or trend in which he or she is unreachable, you should be cautious. Calling your partner and their phone is off or goes an answered during a peculiar period raises concerns.
For example, let’s say most often when she is unreachable is when they are working late or on a business trip, then that is a bad sign.
3. Is your partner flirting?
First, is flirting cheating?
It’s partly a norm to flirt in most countries. As long as it is appropriate, lighthearted, and just for fun, don’t look too much into it but do not assume altogether.
Finding out that your significant other has been flirting with someone via text messages or phones call is another bad sign. Is he flirting? If so, who is he flirting with, how is he/she doing, and how often? If you can find answers to these questions, you can easily determine whether something is going on behind your back.
4. A sudden improvement in appearance
We all want to look good for a ton of reasons. And so, if I start eating well and exercising to get in shape, it doesn’t mean I am cheating or not planning to. Doing this can be a sign that maybe I’m trying to appear more attractive to you but also to Mr., Mrs., or Ms’ I-can’t-help-it.’
So, to be able to distinguish whether this improvement is aimed for you, then pay attention:
How does he look when he/she is with you, Vs when she is going out for work or any other event? If she looks way classier when going out, something isn’t right.
5. Changes in sexual activity
Another sign of infidelity in your relationship changes in sexual activity from your partner. It doesn’t matter whether the changes are in decreased or increased levels; what matters is how it happens.
For example, if both of you start having sex that is less emotionally connected with your partner, it might be a possible sign of infidelity from one of you. If your spouse is focused on someone else, you guys may start having less or more sex. Furthermore, if your partner starts introducing new sex positions or techniques that they seem to be well-versed in, it may mean that he/she is learning from someone.
Note, it is not conclusive that these changes in sexual activity are a result of your partner cheating. It might be caused by other internal or external factors, such as food, sickness, exercising, etc.
6. Altered work schedule
If your partner starts working late all of a sudden and it starts from just being once a week to being three or more times a week, then something is going down.
Of course, there will be countless generic excuses like “got up in traffic jam,” had “dead batteries,” “flat tires,” etc., that your partner will come up with. Yes, it might be true that she was actually working late for the right reasons, but don’t ignore this sign because it might save you.
Additionally, when partners start cheating, business trips may start popping out of nowhere and becoming regular. This sign is more realistic when a partner has never traveled for work.
7. If your emotional intimacy starts fading
Relationship and sex life are driven by two main things; desires and emotions. Desire builds and strengthens emotional relationships, thus making emotional intimacy and cultivating a strong relationship.
Therefore, if emotional intimacy with your partner is fading is a clear sign that she is seeing someone else. The fact is you can’t be in a marriage or relationship with someone without or with degraded emotional intimacy.
8. One-Night Stand
Is one-night stand cheating?
First, the answer for this will mainly depend on which generation you and your personal take.
For example, Gen Z individuals are used to more personal freedom, and committing to long-term things like monogamy takes that away from them. Therefore, most of them don’t actually believe that a one-night stand is cheating. However, for boomers, a one-night stand will be considered a form of cheating, thus bringing slight contradiction to whether it is cheating or not.
Surprisingly 27% of Americans do not believe that a one-night stand is cheating, according to a study on adultery. And so, context is everything in this case.
9. Friends feeling uneasy and anxious around you
If your partner is cheating, there is a higher likelihood that their friends will know it before you. This is simply because your partner will be less careful on covering against your friends than she would against you. And as soon they (friends) are aware of this, they will start changing how they interact with you. Often when around you, they will feel uneasy and anxious as they know something you don’t.
10. If your partner starts accusing you of cheating
One of the top ways cheaters deflect attention is by accusing you of cheating which is a strange move but a common habit.
So, why do they do this?
According to the author of Finding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces, psychologist Paul Coleman, Psy.D cheaters do this for these reasons:
- To take the focus off them: They do this by putting you in a defensive mode by making your accused behavior an issue.
- To silence you: If your partner accuses you of cheating, then the likelihood of you accusing them of the same issue is low. This is simply because you will be afraid or overly careful not to upset them again.
- Call for time out: By creating all these, it will then give your partner a chance to ask for “time away to think things through,” a.k.a. meet the new lover
So, if this happens, you better be on the lookout, dear, because something may be about to go down.
11. Is your partner more concerned about your schedule?
Cheaters are always mindful of finding uninterrupted time to enjoy their new romantic interests. And so, more often, they will be asking, “when will or won’t you do something,” i.e., “Hey honey, will you be out of work early today, because…”
They really work hard to avoid getting caught.
12. Evasiveness or defensiveness
These two behaviors are some of the most common reactionary traits of most of us. In fact, in most cases, when someone realizes they have made a mistake, they tend to be either be evasive or defensive when called out.
Therefore, if your partner exhibits these traits when you confront them about their changing behaviors related to cheating, then something isn’t good.
Additionally, cheaters tend to answer a question with a question, like “Why is that important,” or “Why are you asking that?” If your partner is actually innocent and genuine, he will explain to you well and clear rather than becoming defensive or evasive. And so, these two traits can be signs that your partner is cheating.
13. Coded or secretive text messages
Another sign that your significant other might be seeing someone else is using secret and coded messages. Nothing can spook your interest quickly, like coded messages, more so when it comes to someone of such importance to you. It’s like being kept in the dark.
So, if you find these kinds of massages from your partner’s phone, that may be a sign that she is cheating on you.
14. When past relationship issues suddenly disappear
In almost every relationship, there is that issue that keeps surfacing more often. So, you should be concerned when this issue disappears without any reason for it.
Theoretically, it can be a sign, but realistically, is it an ideal sign? For this, we have to understand two sides,
- Your partner may have given up trying to solve it, which doesn’t mean she is seeing someone else.
- When she is cheating
And so, if you don’t feel connected and the issue, as well as the tension, isn’t there either, then she is most definitely cheating on you.
15. Changes in sex frequency
If your partner starts having an increase or decrease in libido, it might also be a sign of them cheating. Realistically, a decrease in the frequency of sex is quite common for cheaters, given that they are receiving it somewhere else.
What about an increase in sex frequency?
According to Paul Coleman, cheaters can start having more sex at home. He says, “Guilty partners will do so to cover their tracks. But some may do so to satisfy a partner so that the partner will not be seeking sex at a later time when the cheater knows he or she won’t be available.”
Are there different types of cheating?
Well, yes, there are.
According to dating experts, there are FIVE types of cheating, which include:
- Physical cheating: Physical intimacy with someone who isn’t your partner is, without a doubt, cheating.
- Having a romantic feeling for someone else
- Sexual fantasies: despite being a normal thing to fantasize about someone you like. However, it is “unsafe or dishonest behavior,” according to relationship therapist Max Lundquist.
- Secretive activity on social media: Secretly flirting and liking another person’s photos on social media might be considered a form of infidelity.
- Secret spending: It is a form of infidelity to hide your spending habits from your partner.
Who is your partner likely to cheat with?
You partner meets with lots of people to which you know some, others you don’t, but who is he likely to cheat on you with?
“Extramarital sex partners are likely to be close friends, and men are more apt to cheat.” This is according to the research study done by University of Colorado Boulder graduate student. This research aims to help better understand infidelity. The University’s Department of Psychology and Neuroscience noted that according to their research, “53% of Americans who admit to having extramarital sex cheated with a close friend.” 29.4% of them cheated with a well-known person, such as a co-worker, neighbor, or long-term acquaintance. Therefore, based on these cheating/unfaithful statistics, you will note that it majorly happens with someone they know well, like a close friend.
What constitutes cheating among partners?
There are many reasons why people choose to cheat on their partners, and here are some of the common things that constitute cheating:
- If you or your partner was drunk
- Having an online dating profile which may lead to online cheating
- If you are using Snapchat or have a Tinder profile. These apps may act as the instigators without you knowing.
- If you are having an emotional affair with someone
- Kissing someone. Remember, behind any kiss is a desire to hook up, so it is not that; “it was just a kiss…”
- When your partner doesn’t satisfy you.
Bottomline
All of the above signs can be essential in helping you understand your significant other before taking action. It is perfectly acceptable to ask your partner what’s going on because communication is the first step to uncovering, understanding, and solving an issue.
Online dating has become a new normal in today’s society which creates more infidelity cases and also contributes to higher divorce rates. In fact, according to Wilkinson & Finkbeiner Family Law Attorney, “Almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation.” Divorce statistics and online dating stats proofs the fact that cheating is the main cause. You can also do a reverse username search, reverse email search or reverse image search to know who your spouse is secretly chatting with via social media, email, Tinder or OnlyFans.
